Whenever I hear about stories like the hit-and-run this past weekend that left a 15-year-old boy in serious condition, I can’t help but think about the atrocious habits I’ve seen from a large number of South Brooklyn drivers without conjuring a few four-letter words in my head.

Because seriously: if you’re driving a car, and you’re operating it in a way that endangers pedestrians… f— you, you selfish —-ing —-.

I was told recently that I am prone to “Pedestrian Rage,” and this is true. And I don’t make any apologies for it either. Because it’s a matter of life-and-death. When someone drives their car in an unsafe manner, that person is a hazard to my health. To my health, and those I care about the most. Did I mention, f— you?

Fun fact: One of those flimsy Smart Cars you see on the street weighs about 1,600 pounds. Your SUV that you bought because you think driving down the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway is an off-road experience is a 4,000 pound suit-of-armor.

Fun fact: pedestrians are soft and squishy.

Fun fact: the speed limit in New York City is 30 mph. Yes, I know we can comfortable drive down the wider streets and avenues at about 45 mph. Comfortable for those of us wearing 4,000-pound suits of armor, anyway.

Fun fact: some of you are driving with an ungodly amount of alcohol coursing through your veins. On occasion, something bad comes of it. A lot of the time, your drive home turns out OK, and you therefore think it will be OK the next time.

You are NOT OK, you selfish SOB, and one of these days, the worst is going to happen: someone is going to pay for your hubris with their life. And I want to be there to make sure you get the death penalty when you do. Continue reading »